Don’t use phone chat lines

26 Oct

After reading C’s blog yesterday and having lengthy discussion with her, I decided to take up the 10 day you challenge. I enjoyed reading C’s ten secrets and though long and hard about which secrets I’d divulge to the general public.

so… Day 1. 10 secrets

1. I crashed my car when I was 17. obviously I couldn’t hide the fact that my car had half of the front missing. I explained to my family and everyone else that had to ask that a fox ran out in front of me (as it was quite late at night) and I swerved to miss it. The real story is that while driving my new girlfriend home, I was cut up by an idiot in a sporty car. It annoyed me so much (and I was embarrassed that my little old car couldn’t do anything to stop the idiot from cutting me up) that I had to try and catch him up. unfortunately,  I had to break hard to take a slip road off the main road and lost control. So yep it was my fault, I was being an idiot.

2. When I was younger (about 14ish). I had a massive crush on my sister’s friend. I was too shy to ever tell her though, until she moved away that is. She use to write to my sister once a week or so for a couple of months until I got hold of her address and sent er a letter. She never replied and I felt stupid. She also stopped writing to my sister and she never knew why.

3. Porn. My experiences with porn tends to be very secretive. After all, it’s not something you tend to sit around and chat to someone about with a cup of tea. I didn’t have the internet when I was younger so magazines were all the rage. My mate and I decided to go halfs on one (they were bloody expensive) I kept it under my bed at home. For some reason I was convinced my mom would never find it there. I was wrong, she did and the bollocking I got was not pretty. I blamed it on my cousin who had come to visit a few weeks ago and told her that he left it here. To this day she doesn’t like him for it.

4. I killed someone… Ok that’s a lie. I haven’t killed anyone. I did however try to kill myself. It was a long time ago. I just couldn’t see the point in life. I don’t remember too much about the actual thing that pushed me over the edge to do it. Obviously there was a lot of reasons that stacked up on top of each other to make me feel like that was the only choice, but there was something that convinced myself I had to do it. I took a load of pain killers, I couldn’t tell you the exact amount, just that I had the  worst stomach ache ever. It became so bad that I had to go downstairs and tell my mom. I had to go to hospital and have my stomach pumped. I was hoping that the doctor wouldn’t have known what it was that I tried to do but I could tell by the look on his face when he called my mom into the room that he knew and was going to tell her. The ride on the way home was very awkward, I knew she knew and I knew she wanted to ask but didn’t know how. Eventually she asked and I told her I just had a really bad headache. It was one of those  lies where it was obvious to both parties involved that the one was lying. Thankfully she left it at that though.

5. I’m shit scared of aliens. They just creep me out. It’s something to do with the way they are always portrayed on TV and in books. They never speak but always seem to understand and why do they always come to take people in the middle of the night by some eerily quite corn field when no-one else is around. The scariest of all the aliens I’ve come across is the one that walks past during a kids party in the film Signs with Mel Gibson. It’s a 12 rated film and nearly gave me a heart attack.


6. I’m scraping the barrel a bit now but…. I fell off a horse once. Not a serious fall or a big horse. I wasn’t hurt, just extremely embarresed. I made my sister sware not to tell anybody and as far as I know she didn’t. If I had footage of me falling off I would probably laugh at it now but I didn’t find it so funny back when it happened.

7.  I’ve read the Twilight books – enough said


8. I have some weird OCD thing about odd numbers. I hate them, when turning the volume up or down on TV, I have to leave it on an even number. When I cook using an electric oven, the temperature has to be an even number (they usually are anyway, which makes me happy). The list goes on and I discover new things all the time that I have to have even without realising. The latest one is cinema seats. When choosing one I tend to head for the middle or a row and look at the seats, sometimes the seat just doesn’t look right and I have to sit on a different one, I didn’t even realise why untill the other day, it’s because the seats that don’t look ‘quite right’ are numbered odd.

This will mentally scar me but… 1,3.,4,7,9 …. AHHHH

9. Back in year 9 English, we had to do an essay on a book called ‘A lady Calls’. The teacher handed out example essays that last year’s class had done. While these essay’s were handed around for us to look at, I stole a girl’s one that was graded A*. I spent the rest of the lesson worried that the teacher would discover one of the essay’s had gone missing. Lucky for me she didn’t. I re-wrote the essay in my own words and handed it in a few days later. I got an A* and was moved up to the top class for English lit. At the end of the year I slid the girl’s essay back under the teacher’s door.

10. I used my mom’s mobile once to ring a sex chat line. I quickly realised that it was a waste of money and hung up. They rang me back stating that i owed them more money. they asked me for my address and all sorts which really creeped me out. I hung up but they kept ringing. Eventually I came up with the idea of turning the phone off. All that night I was worried that my mom would find out or that they would have somehow traced the call back to my house (I watched way too many spy movies). They did call back the next day when my mom turned her phone on and she did ask me if I’d used her mobile to ring a sex line. I denied everything!

God it feels good to get all that off my chest!



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2 responses to “Don’t use phone chat lines

  1. Hellosailor

    October 26, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    This gave me the best laugh today, brilliant 🙂 I am proud to say I never read Twilight. But thats coming from a former Hanson fan, so……

    • diabroticdan

      October 26, 2011 at 7:09 pm

      I read it well before the films and the hype, it was a good read. Then the films came along and it all turned to cheese! There’s no excuse for Hanson though!


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