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Ding Ding

Hello again

I haven’t felt like blogging much lately. Up untill now, a lot of the things that have happened since I blogged last, have been things I don’t particularly want to remember. Looking back I suppose they weren’t that bad, they’re just not that good either.

I’ll focus on the good…. I got my new bike, (no thanks to you lot). It currently residing in my grandads shed until my new one arrives. I have the fear that it will be liberated from my crummy old shed. I’m looking forward to cycling again. Nothing more relaxing than cycling around listening to some good music. Therapeutic and good exercise!

A close friend of mine had a baby girl a few days ago. Little L was only 6 lbs and the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I managed to visit her and hold the youngest human I’ve ever held at only 12 hours old. I’ve always grown up around kids.I am the oldest in my family and have a number of brothers and sisters that I can remember being young, not to mention my cousins! I like having kids around. I’m sure I’ve said something along these lines before – They’re more open and easier to talk to, they don’t complicate matters and say what they really mean and to top it off, If you upset them, they’re really easy to make up with. Although I’m not related to L, I was ecstatic when A asked if I would be little L’s god father. I don’t consider myself to be big-headed about anything really but I think I’d make a very good god parent. I become attached to people very easy and little L is no exception. I’m a little geeky and generous so hopefully I’ll be able to help her out with things throughout her life if she needs me. I’ll always be there for her. (Easy to say now, I know). This is the closest I’ve got to having my own child which I’m looking forward to.

I’ve wanted a tattoo to commemorate my Trek America holiday for some time now. I don’t go into things lightly though and have to think over non important things way more than I should before coming to a conclusion. To me though, this wasn’t a small deal. This was my first tattoo and I wanted to make sure hat it was something relevant and would remind me of America aswell as being something that I hopefully wouldn’t get bored with. Did I mention I’m scared of needles too!!!! Another big factor in me dragging my heels on the tattoo matter. I watched A have his done a weeks back and decided that it wasn’t that bad and I’m muster up the courage and get it done. I eventually took a pic in of what I wanted and explained a few changes (I’d have drawn it myself but I’m crap at that sort of thing, my attempt came out like a bird that had gone 10 rounds in a ring with an elephant, made its way down a mile of fast flowing rapids and then cooked tenderly on a BBQ until medium – over down.)

This is the picture I gave Tattoo Guy and the tattoo I got in the end…..

  

I used my camera-phone so apologies for that bad image.

Anyhow, I’m glad I finally got it done.

Scouts training. Another thing that took up a lot of my time last week. This, although very tedious, ended up being good. I met a few new people with the same interests in me and had fun. I also managed to get a date out of it. Too early to talk about that though, I’ll leave that for another blog.

I’m determined to make next week a positive week!

DD

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Angry Cow

Why is this cow so angry you ask? Well, i can only imagine it had something to do with me sitting in his field for 20 minutes until he became comfortable enough to get close to me, then sticking a big black camera in his face. Truth is, he didn’t seem that angry in real life, it must just be the camera angle or something.

I consider this to be one of my favourite photos I have taken, I have my aunt to thank for it. She gave me the idea whilst we were in Ireland.

both my 3 out of my 4 grandparents are from Ireland and my mom’s mom and dad use to take my sister and I to Ireland every year during the summer holiday for two weeks. It’s a lovely place, very quaint and agricultural. Leitrim is where my granddad is from. He inherited the small cottage from his mother when she passed away. I remember her when she was a live. She lived all by herself half way up a hill surrounded by fields and small country lanes, I felt sorry for her. There was no TV or internet. I’m not sure why my sister and I enjoyed going there too much.

My granddad use to take me fishing down at the river. We use to trek a mile or so down river to find a good spot where the water was deeper and slower. We’d spend hours moving around and catching fish. We caught wild river trout. They were beautiful fish with blue and pink bellies and dark ‘freckles’ on top.We’d let the smaller fish go and bring the bigger ones back home to eat. I never ate them though. I don’t like fish at the best of times but especially not when I saw it a live a few hours earlier.

I love being surrounded by nature, I still go back to Ireland occasionally, just for a few days at a time. It’s a relaxing place that feels separate from the rest of the world, time doesn’t exist. I spent hours walking up the hills taking pictures last time I was there and didn’t realise how late it was until it started getting dark. Again, you can see the rest of my Ireland photos here

I’ll always have a connection to Ireland

DD

 

 
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Posted by on November 5, 2011 in animals, family, fun, getting away, photography, trust

 

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Thanks sis

1 photo of myself –

Welcome my friends to the end.

Meet me age 5. My sister to the left and my dad in the middle. Obviously I don’t remember much about this time of my life. One thing I do remember is that T-shirt though. I use to wear it all the time, I loved it. I remember my hair being as bad as it looks here, thanks for that mom. This was just after my sister got out of hospital. She was there for most of her 4th year with a brain tumor. It was removed and everything was fine. Obviously she got a lot of attention from then on wards. She was always surrounded by family and friends, even people she didn’t really know. I think this is one of the reasons I became so shy. I got use to no attention, I didn’t want it anyway. I was quite happy to play on my own with a few toys in a corner somewhere. I know it sounds like I’m looking at all this as a negative but reality is, it’s a positive. If I had more confidence, I’d be more of a dick head. I’d have no respect for people or things, I could have been a chav or a wife beater. I could have had 4 children by 3 different women, the list is endless. So thanks sis

P.S I split up from K today. just saying

DD

 
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Posted by on November 5, 2011 in family, friends, Uncategorized

 

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I love you Lucy Liu

6 places you want to go

Finally , an easy one. I want to go everywhere! I’ll narrow it down for you though.

1. Australia – I’ve always wanted to go to the opposite side of the world. I have some weird notion that I’ll fit in there better than I do here. of course I have another reason to visit now… Would be amazing to go and visit Jemma and see her again. I dream a lot about her and my image of where she lives. I know it has its down sides though. Huge spiders and snakes that can kill you just for looking at them for one thing. Not to mention the loooong flight. I’d like to go and spend some time with Urbie too. I miss her terribly.

   

2. Madagascar – always wanted to go there. The fact that they have species of animals that can’t be found anywhere else on earth amazes me. I’d love to spend a week there with a tent and my camera. Maybe a few security guards and some weapons too. Wild animals scare me! I guess I could tie this in along with Africa as technically it’s an island of Africa. I’d love to go on safari some day.

 

3. Every continent – Obviously I have been to a few continents, Europe for one, North America, Oh that’s it! I thought I’d been to more. I’d like to visit everyone before I die. the main reason for this is just so I can tick it off on my mental ‘to do’ list. I’d like to spend time on my own in each place too. Time to go where I want and take pictures. I don’t like taking pictures when I’m with other people. It’s a very personal thing for me.

I really want to visit Canada too. Looks really nice from what I’ve seen. The scenery and natural wildlife looks amazing. I love canoeing and kayaking too!

 

4. Road trip America – It would be awesome to take a good year or so and travel all around America in a RV. I love America and have seen a few places there now but I know there’s a lot more of it that I haven’t and would like to see. Problem is, I wouldn’t want to go it alone but at the same time, I don’t know who I’d want to go with!

 

5. Hawaii – It looks so relaxed over there, who wouldn’t want to spend some time chilling with girls in grass skirts and coconuts.. wink wink.

6. China / Japan / Thailand – I’m going to put these into a group as they’re all around the same kind of place. (I know there are thousands of miles between them but they look close on a map and the people look the same to me). I love the orient. The food is nice, the buildings are lovely over there and they’re so organised. I think I’d fit in there mentally. I’m a bit short too so that would help! I think there would be some great photo opportunities. ooh and asian girls look nice too (some times)

    

DD

 

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I wish for world peace

7 Wants

Another difficult one. I don’t really want much from life at all. I suppose my wants can all be summed up into 1 single phase – to be happy. Obviously there is a number of factors that influence how happy I feel, some of these I can do something about, others can do something about some and some factors nobody can do anything about.

1. Being happy is obviously a complex task and I don’t think it’s possible for someone to be truly happy for ever. there’s always something in life to knock you back down a level when your feeling good. My first want would be for me to not have mental issues. I never use to have them, I’ve always been shy and unsociable but I see them as a trait rather than a ‘problem’ It’s just who I am. But I do have issues with anxiety and depression (I know, I know. I’ve mentioned it before) It would be nice to have a normal brain that doesn’t over think everything and envisage over complex scenarios that would never happen aswell as focusing heavily on the mostly negative of these. I’ve spoken with C on this subject many times before. If I though less about anything in particular, would that make me a different person. Would I become as thoughtless as the majority of the general public? I don’t fancy becoming a Jeremy Kyle show regular! Either way, I want to live my life without these mental problems.

2. I want C to be happy. Most other people I know seem pretty happy in their lives apart from C. I mean, I like her how she is now, I just wish there was something I could do to help. Another one of my brain malfunctions is that I always have to try to solve problems. If I’m confronted with one I can’t stop thinking about it until I’ve come up with a logical solution. In C’s case, I’m totally useless.

3. A big shiny sports car!!! No not really, I like my car, I wouldn’t change it for anything. Materialistically, I don’t think there’s anything I want. I have what I need and what I like. I shouldn’t be complaining about life really. I have it pretty good compared to some. I’d like my bike that was stolen from me back though. May have to put a new bike on my christmas list.

I WANT IT BACK

4. A healthy relationship with someone who understands me, will put up with me and I enjoy being around. I know, I’m not asking for much right? These seems unreasonable at the most optimistic of times. I can still dream though.

5. to be a better photographer. I’m not bad, but I’m nowhere near good. I’d like to be able to take really good photos and make money out of it. Being a photographer for a living would be amazing. Better still, I’d like to be a BBC wildlife photographer – taking pictures for their magazine or even wildlife filming for TV. This is kind of joined to my next want as I’d get paid to go to remote exotic places to see wonderful animals. What a job!

I want his kit… and his job!

6. I want to travel the world. Unfortunately, like most people, I have to work to earn money to live. I have to spend that money on accommodation and food. this leaves little money and time for traveling around the world. I don’t think I’d be able to see everything I wanted to even if I had unlimited money and a life time to see it all.

7. There’s loads of political crap I could pretend I want. You know, like Miss world competitors that always seem to want world peace or for hunger in the world to be eradicated. It will never happen and it’s a waste of a want to believe something like that can happen. There will always be greedy people in the world stopping things like that from happening. What I really want is my allotment. I have been on a waiting list for a while now! Hurry up, I have vegetables to grow! Just so I can tie in the second part of this want to the first – I might just make some kind of soup out of the vegetables and bring it to my nearest homeless shelter. May even do the stereotypical feeding of the homeless at christmas thing this year!

Idiots!

DD

 

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“Fear leads to Anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering”

Fear

noun
A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.
     Why are little girls so creepy???

Where to start. Most of the things I’m fearful of aren’t real. They are figments of my imagination, things that I have over thought like endless bad scenarios.

1. The fear of being alone. I’ve had this fear from as early as I can remember. At school I was always worried about walking around without any friends by my side. It made me anxious, I’m not sure whether it was actually being alone or the idea that other people would see me alone, Either way it caused me considerable stress. This progressed to the fear of being alone relationship wise. I tend to tell myself that I’m happier and better on my own. But given time, the feeling that I need to belong to someone creeps in and takes over, I start to panic that I won’t find anyone and no one will ever love me. An overwhelming pressure to find a partner comes over me and the anxiety drops in when I realise that there’s too much wrong with me. I’ve lived alone for 9 months now and have never really felt lonely by myself. Although I have noticed that I always have to have the TV or radio on in the background, even if I’m not really paying any attention to it. I can only put this down to the psychological feeling that someone is with me and I’m not alone.

2. Ruining my life. This started around GCSE era. The fear of failing scared me into revising and trying my hardest. I was worried that I wouldn’t get a job. This thought led to a chain of events in my head that got progressively worse. From being jobless it led to being homeless from there it spiraled to being to embarrassed to speak to my family or ask for help so I’d leave and live in some city far away. I’d never have a family of my own or luxuries or a nice car. It’s this fear that helps me to meet deadlines and put effort into things that I don’t really want to do but have to.

3 The fear of being scared itself. As mentioned before, I suffer from panic / anxiety attacks. when I feel one growing inside and I’m in a public place, the very thought of everybody watching me and thinking I’m weird can increase the pressure of the attack. It’s a vicious circle.

4. Jail/ the law. I’m worried I’ll be wrongly accused of something due to a misfortunate set of circumstances that would lead people to believe I am guilty. Worse still, I’m worried I’ll commit a crime and be caught. the though of facing my family and their disappointment scares the life out of me. Even more scary though is Her Majesties fine penitentiaries… The thought of being bummed by a big bald bloke in the showers is enough to strike fear in to anyones hearts. I’m a wimp, I wouldn’t last 5 minutes in prison.

5. The opposite sex and their uncanny ability to make blokes do what they want them to do. The power girl’s have over us is unbelievable and not matter how hard I try, I don’t think I could resist the charms of a flirty girl showing me a bit of interest. I’m pretty sure a girl will lead me into a whole heap of trouble one of these days!

6. Tuna – don’t ask

7. Horses. This is kind of linked to an experience I mentioned on Wednesday’s blog. I fell off one and I’ve always had a healthy respect for them ever since. AND they have big round black eyes!! Too creepy.

8. Wasting my life. Every now and again I think about my life and where it’s going. I think about the third of it that’s already gone and worry that the best bits are behind me, that it will be all down hill from now on. I fell that I’m stuck in a rut and nothing will change for years and years. I guess I’m scared that I’ll get to my death bed, look back and regret not living a more exciting life

This doesn’t really count because it’s not real but I ‘m scared of velociraptors and T-Rex’s (The one’s from Jurassic Park) they’re just too clever and vicious. Oh and aliens, I left them out because I spoke about them enough the other day!

DD

 

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Only fools fall in love

Day two of the ten day challenge – 9 loves.
Love is a strong word. I know for a fact that there’s not 9 people in this world that I love but luckily I love other things aswell.

Before I get into listing the things and people I love, I just want to make it clear that I hat the fact that we as humans need to love. I have never been happy single and always wanted to both be loved and to love someone. It’s a highly annoying emotion and life wold be much simpler without it. As far as loving people goes – there are a number of different ways in which I love people, there’s family and friends love, theres relationship love and theres the kind of people who you just love being around. I’ve been in love twice now and strongly believe that your capacity to love is greatly reduced every time you have your heart broken. My intensity of love seems to be less we each new partner. right enough soppy crap, let’s get this thing started…

1. First place has to go to my cat Pan. I love Pan more than anything in the world. He’s a loyal, playful cat who comes and sits on my lap most nights for a fuss. He’s always there to greet me when I come home.

2. My camera. Yes I love my camera. It makes me feel happy, especially when I take a picture that I like and other people comment on it. I love the fact that I know it inside and out. Sounds stupid I know but it is something that I’d be upset to see go, I know it can be replaced but the camera that would replace it wouldn’t be the same. It’s a Canon rebel xsi (or 450d)

3. I feel very strongly towards my first car. I would go as far as saying that I loved it. It gave me the freedom to see my dad more often and stop there when ever I wanted. I loved the fact that I could just get in my car and go where ever at any time. I must have gone somewhere every weekend for the first 6 months of owning it. Sadly it’s the car that I mentioned in my last post. It had to be euthanized after I crashed it. RIP my Astra.

4. PIZZA!!!! The love of my life. It’s always been there to comfort me, to help make me feel better when I’m low. Love isn’t a strong enough word to explain the feelings I have for warm dough with melted cheese and a tomato base and a generous portion of various toppings. I almost re-broke my jaw trying to eat a piece of pizza. I ate through the pain. I’m a fan of many kids from many different places. my favourite has to be a pizza from a little spanish restaurant near my nans, it’s a simple margarita with Basil on it. I tend to go with ham and pineapple when I’m in the UK.

5. My nan definitely deserves one of the 9 spots. She practically raised my two sisters and I. She’s always worked hard at her job and at keeping the family together. We all seem to congregate around nan and grandads at some point during the day. It’s one place where I just feel at home and relaxed. she’s helped me out of a pickle many times in the past and I know she’ll be there if I ever need her in the future. I’ll always remember the holidays to Ireland every year that my grandparents use to bring me on. I’m going to extend this one to cover all my family. I feel I have been fortunate with the family I have been given and grateful.

6. C and B. these two are my closest friends. I love them both dearly. C has become a constant in my life and someone I can trust and talk to about anything. As far as I’m aware, she’s also the only person I know who read’s this blog… Hey C 🙂 Ad is the only other person I really consider as a real friend. I’ve known him since school and although we’ve become very different from each other, we still get on well and help each other out when ever needed. I’m going to add J to this one too. although we haven’t spoken in over 6 months because of his retarded animal of a girlfriend, I still love him and miss him. I can honestly say that my anxiousness, paranoia and depression were greatly reduced during the 7 year period I knew him, I always felt like I had someone who would support and help me if I needed it.

7. I love Demitri and Herb my two Horsefield Tortoises. Demitri was supposed to be a birthday present from Z but we she left a few months before. I’ve always wanted a tortoise and didn’t think it was right to give up on the idea just because she left. I love the way they move and find them fascinating still.

8. My cousin urban is the cutest little girl I have ever met. I tend to get on well with all children but we have a special bond. She lives in australia now with my Aunt and her husband. so I don’t get to see her much but every time we do see each other she screams Dandan and runs for me with her arms wide open. I have never felt so much love from another person before. She’s like a little monkey clinging to me and if anyone trys to talk to me, she gets all defensive and clingy. the sad thing is I know she will grow up and subsequently lose interest in me. I can’t wait to have my own child some day.

   

I miss her a lot.

9. This ones a bit vague but I love America. I have been a few times now and every time I have been awe struck at the place. I love everything, the cars, the tall buildings and the fact that everything has to be bigger and better than anywhere else. I’ve never had a bad time over there and hope to one day live somewhere in the States.

     

These ‘loves’ are likely to change from time to time. So maybe love is too strong to describe them but that’s your lot!

DD

 

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