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Oh how I miss my Trek America trip. Every now and again I look back over my photos and remember all the god times I had, the amazing things I saw and the awesome people I met.

I honestly can’t remember another time in my life where I have felt so relaxed and at home. Yes the accommodation was basic but it was so refreshing just living on the essentials, not having to worry about anything. I miss the nights sat around the camp fire with a couple of Buds and a lot of good conversation.

This particular photo was taken on our second camp site, it was lovely. We set up right in the middle of a load of trees and even though it was raining we had a good time. We made chilli con carne that night and it was lovely. Usually I’m a fussy eater but it wa like a new me while I was out there, I ate anything anyone gave me and whats more, I enjoyed it. When life starts to get a little tough, I take a bit of time to sit and think about how I felt while I was over there. If anyone is considering going to with Trek America, I’d 100% recommend it, I can honestly say it was the best days of my life so far!

DD

 
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Posted by on December 22, 2011 in America, camping, friends, fun, getting away, holiday, likes

 

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What’s wrong with being a hermit?

Hi I’m Dan, remember me?

I have not had a good week. Even now, after having time to de-stress and think things over, I still feel that things aren’t good.I had a date with a girl I met whilst training for the scouts. This is as good a place to start as any. Obviously I was over the moon to be dating again and so soon after splitting with K. I was ready to start a new chapter of my life. Then we went on our date. It quickly became apparent that I had managed to find what I can only describe as a ‘nutter’. I definitely don’t have the knowledge or skill to pull of a successful date and sure as hell don’t think I’m good dating material. But L was a whole other biscuit. She continuously talked about her ex and explained a number of times how she’s ‘not a clingy’ person. She stared at me for about a minute straight which scared the life out of me (I mean, who does that???) I was ‘poked’ a few times and felt physically violated when she put her hands on my legs and when she grabbed my hand. I didn’t have the heart to say anything or do a runner, so I roughed it out. I’d like to say she asked me for my number but she didn’t. She stole my number, Brilliant! Just what I needed, a psychotic bunny boiler with my phone number. I tried the old ‘I’m not after a relationship, I just want to be friends’ line, which only seemed to make her more keen. In the end I resorted to dispersing of the face of the earth. I belive the military use the phrase ‘radio silence’. I didn’t reply to her texts or her phone calls. I felt evil in doing this but assumed that she’d soon get the message and move on to her next unsuspecting victim.

The dropping off the face of the earth bit wasn’t reserved for just L. Everyone I know seems to be coming down with a cold at the moment and seen as I already feel a little light headed I am avoiding them like the plague.I confined myself to my house and decided to break open the emergency 3rd episode of the Unit I had been saving for a rainy occasion. After watching half the series within 32 hours, I decided I’d need to order series 4 and ration the remaining episodes until Mr Postman paid me a visit. He did so promptly and I released the viewing floodgates.

C disappeared too. If it wasn’t for her regular posts on here, I’d have been worrying about her. She seems to be doing well for herself though. She has another love interest and a more positive outlook on life. We haven’t spoke in a while, this is probably a good thing, she seems happy and I’d only bring her back down with the way i’m feeling at the moment. We were ment to watch Dexter online together (had become a ritual of sorts) at the begging of the week. She text and asked if I was up for it, I replied with a hell yes and heard nothing more from her for the rest of the week. Here’s whats going through my brain…

1) The classic, She’s found this new guy who she likes and who likes her. She no longer has time for me as a friend that she hardly ever see’s. This has happened many a times before, so not that unbelievable really.

2) The wild card, She realises that my negative attitude is bad. She can be positive without talking to me. I bring her down. She decided (possibly through therapy) that she needs to cut all the dead weight from her life.

3) The mistake, Maybe she didn’t get my text and things I’m ignoring her. I know she tends to think far-fetched things like me. Maybe she thinks I don’t want her as a friend anymore.

4) Maybe I was only friends with the negative part of C, the part that the therapist made C leave behind on one of her appointments.  Maybe this new C doesn’t really know me at all.

5) She’s been speaking to K alot and decided that I’m not a very good person and I don’t deserve her friendship. Maybe she’s befriended K instead.

6) Bloody aliens got to her! They kidnapped her and replaced her with a little green martian who has been writing her blogs and doing her work to keep everyone from finding the truth.

What ever the reason, I miss her.

So to sum it up in short hand, I have become a marooned hermit who has lost his closest (figuratively not literally) friend and gained a psychotic bunny boiler who bombards me with texts and phone calls. Life goes on!

DD

 

 
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Posted by on December 4, 2011 in friends, getting away

 

Ding Ding

Hello again

I haven’t felt like blogging much lately. Up untill now, a lot of the things that have happened since I blogged last, have been things I don’t particularly want to remember. Looking back I suppose they weren’t that bad, they’re just not that good either.

I’ll focus on the good…. I got my new bike, (no thanks to you lot). It currently residing in my grandads shed until my new one arrives. I have the fear that it will be liberated from my crummy old shed. I’m looking forward to cycling again. Nothing more relaxing than cycling around listening to some good music. Therapeutic and good exercise!

A close friend of mine had a baby girl a few days ago. Little L was only 6 lbs and the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I managed to visit her and hold the youngest human I’ve ever held at only 12 hours old. I’ve always grown up around kids.I am the oldest in my family and have a number of brothers and sisters that I can remember being young, not to mention my cousins! I like having kids around. I’m sure I’ve said something along these lines before – They’re more open and easier to talk to, they don’t complicate matters and say what they really mean and to top it off, If you upset them, they’re really easy to make up with. Although I’m not related to L, I was ecstatic when A asked if I would be little L’s god father. I don’t consider myself to be big-headed about anything really but I think I’d make a very good god parent. I become attached to people very easy and little L is no exception. I’m a little geeky and generous so hopefully I’ll be able to help her out with things throughout her life if she needs me. I’ll always be there for her. (Easy to say now, I know). This is the closest I’ve got to having my own child which I’m looking forward to.

I’ve wanted a tattoo to commemorate my Trek America holiday for some time now. I don’t go into things lightly though and have to think over non important things way more than I should before coming to a conclusion. To me though, this wasn’t a small deal. This was my first tattoo and I wanted to make sure hat it was something relevant and would remind me of America aswell as being something that I hopefully wouldn’t get bored with. Did I mention I’m scared of needles too!!!! Another big factor in me dragging my heels on the tattoo matter. I watched A have his done a weeks back and decided that it wasn’t that bad and I’m muster up the courage and get it done. I eventually took a pic in of what I wanted and explained a few changes (I’d have drawn it myself but I’m crap at that sort of thing, my attempt came out like a bird that had gone 10 rounds in a ring with an elephant, made its way down a mile of fast flowing rapids and then cooked tenderly on a BBQ until medium – over down.)

This is the picture I gave Tattoo Guy and the tattoo I got in the end…..

  

I used my camera-phone so apologies for that bad image.

Anyhow, I’m glad I finally got it done.

Scouts training. Another thing that took up a lot of my time last week. This, although very tedious, ended up being good. I met a few new people with the same interests in me and had fun. I also managed to get a date out of it. Too early to talk about that though, I’ll leave that for another blog.

I’m determined to make next week a positive week!

DD

 

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Dilemas

 

It’s been a busy few days for me and I don’t know where to start. I suppose I should start by warning potential readers that this is likely to be a whiney post about my problems and there won’t be any pictures to view this time. this is purely a post about my life, my problems and my messed up confused and emotionally numb head.

 Right, now that you’ve all left. I can continue. I best start with the whole cheating episode. K knows I’ve cheated on her, she found out a little while after I left her by raiding my Facebook and reading my personal messages. I should be angry about this I guess, but I just don’t care. I should be feeling guilty about cheating on her, but I just don’t care. I should be moving on but I just don’t seem to care. I’m stuck in a rut and don’t seem to care about anything at the moment. I’ve lost the ability to worry and care and be bothered about anything. There’s a million things I need to do and there all piling up. This usually results in a big anxiety attack where I rush about making lists of things to do and madly trying to do the things on them like there’s not tomorrow. It will hit me soon I’m sure.

Back to K. After our argument which resulted in us breaking up and her taking everything she ever bought out of my house. I thought, “that’s it. She’s gone, It’s over. Time to move on with my life and concentrate on other things”. Then she found out I’d cheated. I continued to think, ” It’s definitely over now, there’s no way she’ll want to get back with me anyway”. As usual I was wrong. things couldn’t just be that simple for me.

This next bit may paint K in a bit of a negative light but I’m only stating the facts remember, make of it what you will. She rang me explaining that she was pregnant. she hadn’t taken a test but she just knew. This story line had been used far too many times ion TV and in films. Boyfriend leaves his girlfriend, Girlfriend wants boyfriend back, Girlfriend tell’s boyfriend she’s having his baby. coincidence she tells me just after we split? hmmm. It gets better. I tell her to take a test. she decides to book an appointment with the doctor instead. ( This all happened late on Saturday / Sunday) Monday morning at 8:15,  I get a text from her saying that she has been to the doc’s, she was experiencing pain and found out that she was in the process of losing the baby.

The thought of me being a dad did creep into my mind I’ll admit. I knew (and told her) that it wouldn’t be a good idea for us to bring up a child with all our problems and the fact that we’d just split up. But still, I could have a child, It scared me and excited me. Then the thoughts that she may be lieing to get me back and may have made it all up hit me. Before I had time to process it all (I needed a lot of time to figure things out) I was told that it’s gone and it’s not an issue anymore.

Ok so back to square one right? NO! K continued to text / call me explaining that she still wants to be with me and she can forgive me if I forgive her for hacking into Facebook.( She fails to realise that this isn’t the main issue. We’d split up before all that happened. I just don’t have feelings for her anymore) I don’t like hurting or upsetting people and tried my hardest to keep her from being hurt over it all. Obviously I have mixed feelings. My head is everywhere, she continues to ‘persudae’ me that things will be different if we gave things another try.

Right I feel better now all that’s out. I know in my heart what I need to do but its difficult to go along with.

If there’s anyone who made it to the end of this post…

a) congratulations for not falling asleep or switching to something else

b) I’m sorry

DD

 

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Thanks sis

1 photo of myself –

Welcome my friends to the end.

Meet me age 5. My sister to the left and my dad in the middle. Obviously I don’t remember much about this time of my life. One thing I do remember is that T-shirt though. I use to wear it all the time, I loved it. I remember my hair being as bad as it looks here, thanks for that mom. This was just after my sister got out of hospital. She was there for most of her 4th year with a brain tumor. It was removed and everything was fine. Obviously she got a lot of attention from then on wards. She was always surrounded by family and friends, even people she didn’t really know. I think this is one of the reasons I became so shy. I got use to no attention, I didn’t want it anyway. I was quite happy to play on my own with a few toys in a corner somewhere. I know it sounds like I’m looking at all this as a negative but reality is, it’s a positive. If I had more confidence, I’d be more of a dick head. I’d have no respect for people or things, I could have been a chav or a wife beater. I could have had 4 children by 3 different women, the list is endless. So thanks sis

P.S I split up from K today. just saying

DD

 
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Posted by on November 5, 2011 in family, friends, Uncategorized

 

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Useless Facts and Captivating Stories

4 books –

1. The hunger games trilogy. I have to mention these. I’m currently reading the third one.

The first book of the three (The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins) was given to me by Jemma whilst I was in america. We were sitting on her bed in the Hosteling International NY. I spend my last few hours in America chatting to her and feeling sorry for myself ( and eating the biggest greasiest slice of pizza in the world). I don’t know how we got onto the topic of books, but we decided to swap. I had a book called Left Behind, which I’ll talk about next. It was a good idea to swap books. I had a long journey on my own ahead of me and knew that I’d be missing her after spending the majority of the last two weeks with her. I got to the airport extra early, paranoid that I’d miss my train / flight. the anxiety felt when the train was 20 minutes late was immense! Lugging my bag around a very busy Pen station in New York is not my idea of fun at the best of times! Once sat at the airport, 3 hours early, I began to relax. I wished Jemma was with me. It was then that I remembered her book and began reading it. I became engrossed. It’s set in the future (not sure how far). It centres around a Mayor of the world i guess, who decides to punish his residence for an earlier uprising. Each year, two children under tha ge of 14 from each district have to compete to the death in a very large arena. It is televised for all to see, Kind of like a more exciting version of big Brother. I don’t do it any justice but it’s good. My days of doing english Lit at college are forcing me to read into the storyline and compare it to today’s society and the idealism’s that the author has. I’ll spare you all the ear ache though. Needless to say, reading the book made me feel close to Jemma even though i knew the chances of seeing her again were very unlikely. 

2. The left behind series. Ok a disclosure is required here. Yes i know they are religious books based on the rapture and second coming of the lord. Yes I have read all 13 books in the series. No I’m not a particularly religious person, I just enjoyed the story line. I was bought up a Catholic. every sunday up untill the age of 14 or so I went to mass with my mom. I know all about the rapture and judgement day and remember being scared shitless of it as a child. My life changed when I discovered girls and started thinking for myself. I think the church is very hypocritical at times and greedy. They have the cheek to host CAFOD once a year ( Catholic Association For Over Seas Development) where your suppose to give up something for lent and donate the money saved to help others. All very good in principle but is dwarfed by the fact that the Vatican is the richest country in the world and sits upon millions and millions of pounds worth of famous paintings, works of art and literature. Oh well, let’s not get into a heated debate about all this right now. The books managed to use all the info from Revelations and portray it in a modern setting. It deals with biblical events but entwines them in a story line that is both believable and relatable to the reader. I read these books when I was younger and decided to re-read them recently. I managed to finish the 1st book in the series while in America before giving it to Jemma. Oh and as a little side line – the ‘devil’  strongly reminds me of President Obama!!!

3. Nick Stone series – Nick Stone is a fictional character in a series of books written by Andy McNab. This character spans over 13 of Andy’s books in total. Andy uses his past experiences as an SAS soldier to provide in depth detail. nick Stone is a ‘deniable operative’ kind of like a spy really. I like these books because Nick Stone is very logical. it’s good to see how he deals with certain situations that a rise throughout the books. I tend to imagine myself in his situations and think about how I would act or what I would do next. Needless to say, I’d crap myself and have a massive panic attack if anything remotely as stressful happened in my life! They’re a good read, even for women.  The 1st few books center around nick trying to keep imself and his friends daughter alive after her family were killed by profesionals. the way the realationship evolves between the two as they are thrown head first into some seriously scary situations is brilliant.

       

4. The Dangerous Book For Boys – A slightly less serious book, but fun non the less. I tend to think of it as a guide to being male. It’s full of useful facts and geeky skills. Most of the things I have learnt from this book, I have never needed yo use before  but they were fun to read about at the time. The problem is, my memory is as useful as a bucket with a hole in the bottom. Unless I use these newly acquired skills, I tens to forget all about them. still, it means I get to read the book all over again and reacquaint myself with the totally useless but interesting knowledge inside.

DD

 
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Posted by on November 2, 2011 in America, books, friends, fun, likes

 

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I love you Lucy Liu

6 places you want to go

Finally , an easy one. I want to go everywhere! I’ll narrow it down for you though.

1. Australia – I’ve always wanted to go to the opposite side of the world. I have some weird notion that I’ll fit in there better than I do here. of course I have another reason to visit now… Would be amazing to go and visit Jemma and see her again. I dream a lot about her and my image of where she lives. I know it has its down sides though. Huge spiders and snakes that can kill you just for looking at them for one thing. Not to mention the loooong flight. I’d like to go and spend some time with Urbie too. I miss her terribly.

   

2. Madagascar – always wanted to go there. The fact that they have species of animals that can’t be found anywhere else on earth amazes me. I’d love to spend a week there with a tent and my camera. Maybe a few security guards and some weapons too. Wild animals scare me! I guess I could tie this in along with Africa as technically it’s an island of Africa. I’d love to go on safari some day.

 

3. Every continent – Obviously I have been to a few continents, Europe for one, North America, Oh that’s it! I thought I’d been to more. I’d like to visit everyone before I die. the main reason for this is just so I can tick it off on my mental ‘to do’ list. I’d like to spend time on my own in each place too. Time to go where I want and take pictures. I don’t like taking pictures when I’m with other people. It’s a very personal thing for me.

I really want to visit Canada too. Looks really nice from what I’ve seen. The scenery and natural wildlife looks amazing. I love canoeing and kayaking too!

 

4. Road trip America – It would be awesome to take a good year or so and travel all around America in a RV. I love America and have seen a few places there now but I know there’s a lot more of it that I haven’t and would like to see. Problem is, I wouldn’t want to go it alone but at the same time, I don’t know who I’d want to go with!

 

5. Hawaii – It looks so relaxed over there, who wouldn’t want to spend some time chilling with girls in grass skirts and coconuts.. wink wink.

6. China / Japan / Thailand – I’m going to put these into a group as they’re all around the same kind of place. (I know there are thousands of miles between them but they look close on a map and the people look the same to me). I love the orient. The food is nice, the buildings are lovely over there and they’re so organised. I think I’d fit in there mentally. I’m a bit short too so that would help! I think there would be some great photo opportunities. ooh and asian girls look nice too (some times)

    

DD

 

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