Where to start. Most of the things I’m fearful of aren’t real. They are figments of my imagination, things that I have over thought like endless bad scenarios.
1. The fear of being alone. I’ve had this fear from as early as I can remember. At school I was always worried about walking around without any friends by my side. It made me anxious, I’m not sure whether it was actually being alone or the idea that other people would see me alone, Either way it caused me considerable stress. This progressed to the fear of being alone relationship wise. I tend to tell myself that I’m happier and better on my own. But given time, the feeling that I need to belong to someone creeps in and takes over, I start to panic that I won’t find anyone and no one will ever love me. An overwhelming pressure to find a partner comes over me and the anxiety drops in when I realise that there’s too much wrong with me. I’ve lived alone for 9 months now and have never really felt lonely by myself. Although I have noticed that I always have to have the TV or radio on in the background, even if I’m not really paying any attention to it. I can only put this down to the psychological feeling that someone is with me and I’m not alone.
2. Ruining my life. This started around GCSE era. The fear of failing scared me into revising and trying my hardest. I was worried that I wouldn’t get a job. This thought led to a chain of events in my head that got progressively worse. From being jobless it led to being homeless from there it spiraled to being to embarrassed to speak to my family or ask for help so I’d leave and live in some city far away. I’d never have a family of my own or luxuries or a nice car. It’s this fear that helps me to meet deadlines and put effort into things that I don’t really want to do but have to.
3 The fear of being scared itself. As mentioned before, I suffer from panic / anxiety attacks. when I feel one growing inside and I’m in a public place, the very thought of everybody watching me and thinking I’m weird can increase the pressure of the attack. It’s a vicious circle.
4. Jail/ the law. I’m worried I’ll be wrongly accused of something due to a misfortunate set of circumstances that would lead people to believe I am guilty. Worse still, I’m worried I’ll commit a crime and be caught. the though of facing my family and their disappointment scares the life out of me. Even more scary though is Her Majesties fine penitentiaries… The thought of being bummed by a big bald bloke in the showers is enough to strike fear in to anyones hearts. I’m a wimp, I wouldn’t last 5 minutes in prison.
5. The opposite sex and their uncanny ability to make blokes do what they want them to do. The power girl’s have over us is unbelievable and not matter how hard I try, I don’t think I could resist the charms of a flirty girl showing me a bit of interest. I’m pretty sure a girl will lead me into a whole heap of trouble one of these days!
6. Tuna – don’t ask
7. Horses. This is kind of linked to an experience I mentioned on Wednesday’s blog. I fell off one and I’ve always had a healthy respect for them ever since. AND they have big round black eyes!! Too creepy.
8. Wasting my life. Every now and again I think about my life and where it’s going. I think about the third of it that’s already gone and worry that the best bits are behind me, that it will be all down hill from now on. I fell that I’m stuck in a rut and nothing will change for years and years. I guess I’m scared that I’ll get to my death bed, look back and regret not living a more exciting life
This doesn’t really count because it’s not real but I ‘m scared of velociraptors and T-Rex’s (The one’s from Jurassic Park) they’re just too clever and vicious. Oh and aliens, I left them out because I spoke about them enough the other day!